Emo Nemo

There are a thousand things I love about my husband, but the best one has got to be how he willingly embraces the choices I make without any kind of judgement. Never the type to violently object to them, providing a sense of assurance that he knows exactly what I am doing. He gives me the appropriate space necessary and most importantly, trusts me well to know that I am entitled to my own decisions.

He rarely breathes down his expectations on me…to say that we are extremely alike in thinking is not a fact definitely, we are worlds apart sometimes, but I like how we respect each other’s mindset.

There have been so many occasions whereby I am thankful he walks along with me in the plans and decisions I make. Not ahead, not behind, but just right beside me, holding my hand…

Thank you Sadiq. I love you.

Bye Bye October

Before we know it, the end of 2015 is approaching us very soon. Too soon, if I may add, because I still remember how I celebrated my 27th like it was just yesterday. Considering that my birthday is just two days shy of new year’s day, so to know that I’m going to be a year older (and hopefully, wiser!) in less than two months means time is like, always, a super bullet train.

No idea how 2016 is gonna be like. Many exciting transitions ahead which will certainly keep us on our toes each minute of the day. Just yesterday, I showed a video about bathing a newborn on my Facebook feed and cheekily said to Sadiq, “You, back to the old days very soon for us…”

Our little boss has been a clingy koala on some mornings right after he wakes up. Everything must do with Ibu. No Ibu, no talk. Even his Abah gets a little annoyed at times (I suspect he feels left out ho ho) when that happens. Usually, the little one understands when I tell him that I need to pee/bathe/get ready, but we are not so lucky sometimes so Sadiq ends up prying him away from me and he will scream bloody murder it almost sounds like he is being kidnapped or something to that extent.

Yet on most nights, I am not so needed (love this part of ‘me’ time, certainly) because the both of them will be up bonding with each other through some weird pseudo wrestling moves. I’ve seen them in action, and sometimes it is so full of drama I myself cannot take it. I mind my own business then until of course, I hear the usual, “Ibu, Ibuuuu!” and I know time with myself is up and over.

Life is wonderful. 🙂

C Is For Crawl

Since he turned 8 months old, he gets on all fours, learning how to balance on his hands on knees. Amusing at times, as we witness how he sways his cute little buttocks from front to back in a bid to stabilise himself. Later on, we found him moving forward more and he would even have this look on his face as he sees something that he likes and wishes to reach out to. On most days, he glances over to his favourite things and it is almost as if a speech bubble instantaneously forms above his head, “Oh man, my toy is over there, oh how I wish I can crawl there like right now…”

We do notice he enjoys standing up a lot more though. Maybe the view is better? Ha ha, in any case, every now and then we get him to ‘tatih tatih’ and practise walking because he gets a kick out of it. His feet would sometimes do a little skip in excitement, though I have no idea where he learns it from. Sadiq says that it’s probably due to Charlie on the babyTV channel because he does a little hop and skip each time he walks with his numbers. Hur hur.

We have been catching him in action doing the ‘commando crawl,’ for quite some time now, using his arms to push his body forward as his legs do not seem sturdy enough yet. As he turned 9 months and 2 days old, we caught him in action, fully crawling! With utter confidence, I must say, even though I, on the other hand, was anxiously looking out to see if he would suddenly slip and hit his chin on to the ground and carpet. Nowadays, he would hold on to his ball and purposely let it slip far away and crawl towards it to get hold of it again. He never seems tired of doing it again and again and I suspect it’s the thrill of finally being able to be free and mobile.

Of course, I cannot deny that I worry that he will bump his head onto the table and all that, but I have come to a point where I realise that my baby is bound to come across many incidents that will make him stronger in turn. Cheydibah! I have prepared myself for such incidents like this even when I was pregnant but nothing ever shocks you more when the real deal happens. There have been a couple of knocks and bruises which almost caused me to have a heart attack but then I remembered that this was just a sneak preview of what’s in store for us in the future. What gives me assurance is that while I cannot always be around to prevent such occurrences, I know He will always be there to protect my loved ones.

So yes, here’s to more almost-heart-attack moments for mommy! :p

The Birth Story – Finale

9 June 2013

I woke up for Fajr prayers at about 5.50am and on my way to the toilet, I felt as though there was water trickling down my upper inner right thigh. In all my grogginess, I thought that I had accidentally peed, especially since control of the bladder at that stage was a little weaker than usual, so as I entered the toilet, my first instincts were to squat down and pee. On hindsight, I really wonder what made me do that, considering that my round belly was in the way and well, it was just much easier to sit on the toilet bowl right?

Trust that my insticts immediately led my eyes to bulge open (from all the sleepiness) when I saw traces of blood. I actually took a sniff from the water that was trickling down, and what do you know, it did not smell like urine at all. Jeng jeng jeng.

“Could this be my waterbag leaking!?”
“Oh my god so fun baby is probably gonna come out todayyyy!”

I took my time to google about this and saw responses like I could either wait it out till surges from contractions came or I could just check it out with the hospital if I was uncertain. I figured we would go ahead with the latter and calm ourselves down rather than risk it. First time kiasu mother to-be lah katakan. Hehe.

“You you, wake up, my waterbag leak. Kita gi hospital yok?”

He woke up almost immediately, with no questions asked, went to shower and it probably was funny to see him that way because he appeared so calm. If you must know, my husband is a kancheong man. We did our prayers, woke Ibu up to tell her that we were heading to Parkway East and it was pretty emotional because anything can happen in labour…I simply asked for her forgiveness, blessings and prayers that it will be a smooth one for me.

7AM: Reached PEH and checked myself in. Sadiq even asked me, “You, I slalu tengok orang nak beranak macam dah terbongkok-bongkok gitu, how come you macam steady je?” (Haha looking back, steady habis…) We were sent to the labour ward, I weighed myself again for the last time – 58.9kg. They strapped me to the bed and checked baby’s heartbeat, all were normal. A nurse told me that my gynae had been informed and was making his way there.

8AM: Gynae came to do a vaginal examination on me and I was not surprised at all when he said that I was only 1cm dilated. Really thought that I would be sent home. Instead, he calmy said that if all goes well, I would be giving birth at about 6p.m., if dilation goes 1cm up every hour.

We totally forgot that I would be served breakfast so Sadiq, went to get some for me nearby. Halfway through, I was asked to choose my breakfast. Haha. No prizes for guessing who finished it all up. Then the nurse came to insert a fluid up my anus to clear my bowels. I was told that I could still eat if I want to, just not something heavy.

9.30AM: Had my Milo and raw egg. Energy booster. We packed a lot of dates and I was happily munching on them too. Contractions came and went, not too intense as I was also monitoring them via my iPhone app. Took pictures and told myself that I should catch some sleep if possible.

11AM: Contractions were starting to increase in power. Kept remembering all the tips to relax and let my body follow through the surges.

2PM: Contractions were getting more intense. Nurse came in and checked that I was only 2cm dilated. Gave me options of using the gas mask, pethydine jab or epidural. Opted for the gas mask.

5PM: I probably went a little crazy with the contractions. I remember wanting Sadiq to not pray first to accompany me and give support. Hur hur. Doctor came again and told me that I was 5cm dilated. He told me that if all goes well I would give birth in the evening.

Half an hour later or so, I remember feeling a whoosh of wetness at my down under and realised that my waterbag had burst. Wah. Told Sadiq to call the nurse in and she mumbled something about baby pooping inside already and I got a little more worried. (I rememeber this happened to my sister when she was in labour and they were worried if baby was eating his own poop.) The nurse assured me that everything was okay though but she encouraged me to take the pethydine jab. I relented because I know I did not want to succumb to epidural and true enough, the jab at the thigh helped me so much. Haha.

8pm: Woke up from a nap (yup, I managed to nap in the middle of labour! HAHA) and happy to know I was almost there. 8cm dilated. Waited a little more and this is where everything started being more chaotic and havoc because I felt like pushing every now and then. Yet I was instructed by the nurses not to do so because I could “rupture” (on hindsight, such negative terms can be so traumatic to parents to-be in the delivery ward). I remember Sadiq googling about what could happen and all and I could she all the worried lines on his face.

At one point, he even passed me the gask mask, raised his voice, high-pitched and in all seriousness at my womb, “BABY…COOPERATE! DON’T PUSH, MUMMY IS NOT READY YETTTT” I swear I wanted to laugh, seeing him so panicky like that but now that I think about it, it must be even scarier for him on the other side as he probably felt uncertain, and even helpless to ease my pain. (Anyway, this story will go a long way because whenever we talk about my labour story, Sadiq will sheepishly smile and deny that he did this at all. Men and their ego hmmmph.)

10pm: So yup, the craziness was due to end soon. Doctor was called in when I was ready to deliver and I pushed about 5 times before I could see our little bundle of joy. Indescribable moment, definitely because the next thing I saw right in front of me after pushing was MY baby at 10.27pm!

True what the rest of the mummies say, once you see your baby, all the pain just ..vanished! POOF. All I wanted to do was to keep reminding Sadiq to take photos of our baby, using my phone no less. My phone camera quality was so much better mah. Hehehehe.

***

I am basically in awe of my body’s strength after that arduous journey of contractions, pushing, etc. Makes you feel so empowered that you can actually do anything. Like a superwoman. Almost 10 months of carrying my 3.08 kilos baby and this little human being was finally out after 15 hours of labour. All praises to Him for granting me the strength, really. And for giving us such a handsome sweetheart. Oh, and not forgetting, for a husband who was there for and with me at every single step.

I have a beautiful family. 🙂

Sleep Tight

Sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night and goes right back to sleep after a few minutes of nursing. He’ll let out a little whimper and it takes me less than five seconds to drop whatever I am doing to attend to him.

(That said, I am also fascinated by the fact that I can even hear him stir in his sleep; I’d make a little check on him and true enough, his tiny hands would be in some other position already. This mummy instincts can be pretty scary actually.)

But some other times, even nursing would not help. In his dream-like state, his head goes from left to right repeatedly, his eyes closed while his lips make a little pout. I place him onto my chest, and immediately, he goes back to sleep. Even Sadiq is gleefully amused by this fun fact. We even termed it as Eyshan’s mini night wayang. Naughty parents, us.

Through the night, he will be, right on top of my chest. There are times I wake up with a slightly cramped neck and arms, my sleep interrupted a few times as his weight bears down on my body…but I welcome this. All of it, in fact. For this will not be for long.

There will come a time when he will not need my chest to soothe him back to sleep anymore. He will not need to hug me anymore. When that happens, I will miss his tiny self so much that I know I would do anything to have him hug me back to sleep…

Eyshan Shahin, you will never be this small again but in my eyes, you will always be my sweet little baby. Happy 8 months old, my dearest son.

The Birth Story – Part 1

I have been wanting to pen down my birth experience since many months ago, but never got around to it. Procrastination is indeed a very naughty friend of mine. So I thought, let’s do it now! Better late than never.

Or in this case, better write it down now lest I forget all about it totally! Which I doubt will ever happen, because hey, who can ever forget their first every birth story (and urm, all the pain that came along with it), huh? :p

7 June 2013, Friday

Sadiq texted me at about 10 plus in the morning to ask whether I wanted homecooked food from his mother since I did not bring any lunch to work. I said yes, and he came close to noon. Told me to take care and if there was any discomfort felt, to immediately call him.

Picture

Little did I know that in the middle of lunch, I felt like peeing and imagine my surprise when I saw a tinge of blood on the toilet paper and…what I believe to be my mucus plug. I was practically hyperventilating by then in the toilet! I was trying my very best to keep my cool but in my head, I was already thinking, “OH MY GOD, IS TODAY THE DAY!?!?”

I went out of the toilet, pretending to look calm (inside a bit haywire already though) because my colleague was in the room too and since she did not suspect anything amiss, I reckon that I am a pretty good actress! Hahahaha. I did not want to alarm anyone in the office, I was not feeling any pain or discomfort at all either so I had an inkling that it was not time at all.

Did a little googling after my colleague left the room and was glad to know that exiting of the mucus plug was not a sure indication that labour would kickstart anytime soon. Phew. You can imagine that my heart was in suspense simply because it was close to prayers time and I was somehow afraid if I could not get Sadiq then. But phew. I called Sadiq, who was rather panicky and asked 1001 questions but I assured him that I would be fine and he just has to pray that baby will wait until he is done praying. Hehe.

I remember wanting to walk around more after work and we did just that before heading home. We were waiting for the ‘go ahead’ text from Kak Lis to collect the necessary items for baby such as baby cot and etc. We only managed to collect it around 10 plus at night and when heading out, I remember Ibu asking me if I wanted to stay at home instead and let Sadiq do it alone. But I said it was okay because I somehow did not want to be far away from him.

We collected the baby cot and a couple more things with Abang Nur’s help as well. Headed home after that and I still felt okay. No pain, no contractions. Just the usual bloated stomach feel. Baby was kicking as usual. In fact, I slept well that night. Hehe.

On hindsight, who would have thought that it was such perfect timing to collect the stuff that night. We actually wanted to postpone but decided against it since the lorry was readily available that day and I guess we just followed with our, ahem, parental (chey bah!) instincts.

Okay, I will stop here. Will continue with the other parts ..soon!

Milestone

The one thing that I am most sad about when I leave Eyshan Shahin to go to work is the simple thought of having to miss his milestones, small or big. I realise that has got to be one of the hardest things to not witness. It’s like his first fart, his first poo, his first smile, his first laugh, his first babble, his first tantrum ..you get the drift. I so wanna witness all of that.

But I know I cannot possibly be the first to witness it all the time. I really count myself lucky if I do, and so I keep hoping and praying that that little boy will wait for me and show off his new milestone when we are home.

Just today, Kak Lis showed me a picture of him holding his own bottle. He can apparently hold it very steadily now, even knows how to lift the bottle and finish gulping every single mililitre of his milk. And I thought to myself, “Hey I missed seeing it…” since I’m always latching him directly when we are together. Got a little melancholic about it (the little things always, <i>always</i> gets to me best, sigh) for a good five minutes before I finally shook myself out of it.

How I realised that I’m fortunate enough to have a sister who regularly updates me about his antics. I am even more blessed that my sister is kind enough to make me feel as though I am not so distant from my son after all.

So thankful for this. I may not have such luxury when he’s no longer being cared by her in the event she gets pregnant with no. 2, so positive vibes are definitely in and within. Almost a month since I started work and all I can say is that I have not missed out on many milestones just yet and I hope I’ll be granted more opportunities to witness my baby’s new antics, insya’Allah. 🙂