Happy Birthday, Me!

This morning just before my husband sent our firstborn to my in-laws’ place, he wished me a happy birthday.

He returned, got dressed for work and gave me a peck on my forehead like always. He wished me a happy birthday again with his right hand caressing my left cheek.

I was still in a groggy state of mind, half awake and half nursing my little precious. All I could afford was an mmhmm thank you.

The other day, he cheekily remarked that my birthday present would be delayed. He even chuckled that maybe he could get something from Carousell first. Tsk tsk so naughty.

Alhamdulillah I’ve got the most wonderful gift this year – the arrival of our 2nd hero and it’s beautiful how my prayers for a December baby was answered. Life since has been a happy riot so far and I know we will not want to have it another way.

There is really nothing more I would ask for. The past 28 years have sculpted me the way I am today and I believe I will always enjoy this journey ahead, with His consent. Happy birthday, me. 🙂

Advertisements

Emo Nemo

There are a thousand things I love about my husband, but the best one has got to be how he willingly embraces the choices I make without any kind of judgement. Never the type to violently object to them, providing a sense of assurance that he knows exactly what I am doing. He gives me the appropriate space necessary and most importantly, trusts me well to know that I am entitled to my own decisions.

He rarely breathes down his expectations on me…to say that we are extremely alike in thinking is not a fact definitely, we are worlds apart sometimes, but I like how we respect each other’s mindset.

There have been so many occasions whereby I am thankful he walks along with me in the plans and decisions I make. Not ahead, not behind, but just right beside me, holding my hand…

Thank you Sadiq. I love you.

Yakkity Yak

Cries, babbles and now, it’s yakkity yak time! Our ‘lil man can hold a proper conversation with us now albeit the lack of clarity. Most of the times, we understand what he means. When it comes to those that get our heads scratching, we’d ask him to repeat 2-3x and if we still do not get it, we’d just go “oooh ah yes baby…”

Poor kid sometimes. I imagine a little voice in him goes off judgingly, “don’t be deceived by their responses, they actually don’t get you at all!” Oops.

Nowadays, he names everything he sees – “red bus”, “yellow crane”, “big car” and so forth. I repeat after him and he likes this routine whenever we are on the move. He recognises numbers now and can count from 1-20. We were actually very surprised when he did not just stop counting at 10 but continued till 20. Like whoa, where did that come from man, it was pretty funny when Sadiq and I looked at each other in disbelief then.

Funny story about how we discovered he could recognise his ABCs. We were in the plane, returning back home when I held out Scoot’s newsletter and casually pointed out the letter to him, in a bid to distract him to just sit still. To my surprise, he labelled it loud and clear. To say that I was clueless then is an understatement. Suffice to say, I went through the whole alphabet and he could name everything. *insert crying happy tears emoticon*

A child’s mine is really likened to a sponge, isn’t it…

I can no longer really keep up with his milestones. Gone are those days where I can actually know when he started doing this or that. Now, it’s just impossible. I just pray he absorbs all the good things life has to offer first.

Oh and how can I forget about the time where his daddy accidentally said $5#t! in front of him and the little one picked it up almost immediately to say “yeee!” Gosh, I had heart palpitations already can at that point of time. Sadiq was not spared from my petpotpetpot afterwards. To think he playfully retorted, “alaaa but he will eventually learn all this what…” in defence.

Macam nak chokeslam aje tau!

A Year Later

Almost, that is. Here I am again, just sifting through my previous entries and chuckling to myself reading about my little one’s adorable antics since he was a day old. My last post was about him learning to crawl; right now, he is practically bursting with energy, walking, running, climbing…basically doing all kinds of things that makes him resemble an energizer bunny. There are just some days that he is forever oozing with so much ‘battery life’ that the only time he sits still is when he recharges. During sleep and nap times.

Sometimes, he is all over the place that the only time I get a good look at him is when he sleeps, or nurses. I am so thankful to Him for allowing me to nurse him up till today. 20 months. Wow, I would never have thought that I would get this far. Alhamdulillah. Just recently, there were many transitions to be made and one thing I worried most about was my milk. I thought about how I would be back to the routine of pumping and storing milk for him to drink in the day but it’s fascinating how you can plan and plan yet ultimately, He is the best of planners.

We bought bottles, I made time to pump in advance, yet when the time came for him to drink it, he refused it plainly. He would take a sip and scrunch his face or shake his head then continue to ask for it fresh. Since he still preferred to latch and was rejecting milk in a bottle, I wondered about whether he would need supplements during my absence in the day. I researched, read up and concluded that since he is actively taking in calcium from all kinds of food, it is not necessary to supplement. On hindsight, it felt comforting to know I was not reluctant, was perfectly okay with having to introduce fresh milk but what I was afraid of was his adjustment towards it. I have read about possibilities of discomfort, allergy and whatnot so that was the only thing that made me hold back for a little while. (Sometimes, being a mother, you worry if the decisions you make are selfish and at the expense of your own child. Scratch that ‘sometimes’, make that all the time.)

So what kept me calm was definitely my prayers. I prayed for Him to make it easy for me and my little one during this period because He knows what would be the best for both of us. True enough, my prayers were answered in the most subtle way ever.

My little one is perfectly fine without my milk for 9-10 hours straight, he latches on almost immediately when I am back and to my surprise, my body adapted well to the transition (no major engorgement, hurray!) and there was still sufficient milk for him.

Masya’Allah. Truly, He hears and listens. He knows what’s in my heart and I did not even have to ask.

What makes this even sweeter was the fact that Sadiq was so cool about it as well; no pressure, no worry, nothing. He basically went with the flow, believed in me and basically, understood that I had it all covered. Or maybe he’s just equally grateful that for 20 months and counting, milk for his junior is still FOC. Thank you Allah.

The Birth Story – Finale

9 June 2013

I woke up for Fajr prayers at about 5.50am and on my way to the toilet, I felt as though there was water trickling down my upper inner right thigh. In all my grogginess, I thought that I had accidentally peed, especially since control of the bladder at that stage was a little weaker than usual, so as I entered the toilet, my first instincts were to squat down and pee. On hindsight, I really wonder what made me do that, considering that my round belly was in the way and well, it was just much easier to sit on the toilet bowl right?

Trust that my insticts immediately led my eyes to bulge open (from all the sleepiness) when I saw traces of blood. I actually took a sniff from the water that was trickling down, and what do you know, it did not smell like urine at all. Jeng jeng jeng.

“Could this be my waterbag leaking!?”
“Oh my god so fun baby is probably gonna come out todayyyy!”

I took my time to google about this and saw responses like I could either wait it out till surges from contractions came or I could just check it out with the hospital if I was uncertain. I figured we would go ahead with the latter and calm ourselves down rather than risk it. First time kiasu mother to-be lah katakan. Hehe.

“You you, wake up, my waterbag leak. Kita gi hospital yok?”

He woke up almost immediately, with no questions asked, went to shower and it probably was funny to see him that way because he appeared so calm. If you must know, my husband is a kancheong man. We did our prayers, woke Ibu up to tell her that we were heading to Parkway East and it was pretty emotional because anything can happen in labour…I simply asked for her forgiveness, blessings and prayers that it will be a smooth one for me.

7AM: Reached PEH and checked myself in. Sadiq even asked me, “You, I slalu tengok orang nak beranak macam dah terbongkok-bongkok gitu, how come you macam steady je?” (Haha looking back, steady habis…) We were sent to the labour ward, I weighed myself again for the last time – 58.9kg. They strapped me to the bed and checked baby’s heartbeat, all were normal. A nurse told me that my gynae had been informed and was making his way there.

8AM: Gynae came to do a vaginal examination on me and I was not surprised at all when he said that I was only 1cm dilated. Really thought that I would be sent home. Instead, he calmy said that if all goes well, I would be giving birth at about 6p.m., if dilation goes 1cm up every hour.

We totally forgot that I would be served breakfast so Sadiq, went to get some for me nearby. Halfway through, I was asked to choose my breakfast. Haha. No prizes for guessing who finished it all up. Then the nurse came to insert a fluid up my anus to clear my bowels. I was told that I could still eat if I want to, just not something heavy.

9.30AM: Had my Milo and raw egg. Energy booster. We packed a lot of dates and I was happily munching on them too. Contractions came and went, not too intense as I was also monitoring them via my iPhone app. Took pictures and told myself that I should catch some sleep if possible.

11AM: Contractions were starting to increase in power. Kept remembering all the tips to relax and let my body follow through the surges.

2PM: Contractions were getting more intense. Nurse came in and checked that I was only 2cm dilated. Gave me options of using the gas mask, pethydine jab or epidural. Opted for the gas mask.

5PM: I probably went a little crazy with the contractions. I remember wanting Sadiq to not pray first to accompany me and give support. Hur hur. Doctor came again and told me that I was 5cm dilated. He told me that if all goes well I would give birth in the evening.

Half an hour later or so, I remember feeling a whoosh of wetness at my down under and realised that my waterbag had burst. Wah. Told Sadiq to call the nurse in and she mumbled something about baby pooping inside already and I got a little more worried. (I rememeber this happened to my sister when she was in labour and they were worried if baby was eating his own poop.) The nurse assured me that everything was okay though but she encouraged me to take the pethydine jab. I relented because I know I did not want to succumb to epidural and true enough, the jab at the thigh helped me so much. Haha.

8pm: Woke up from a nap (yup, I managed to nap in the middle of labour! HAHA) and happy to know I was almost there. 8cm dilated. Waited a little more and this is where everything started being more chaotic and havoc because I felt like pushing every now and then. Yet I was instructed by the nurses not to do so because I could “rupture” (on hindsight, such negative terms can be so traumatic to parents to-be in the delivery ward). I remember Sadiq googling about what could happen and all and I could she all the worried lines on his face.

At one point, he even passed me the gask mask, raised his voice, high-pitched and in all seriousness at my womb, “BABY…COOPERATE! DON’T PUSH, MUMMY IS NOT READY YETTTT” I swear I wanted to laugh, seeing him so panicky like that but now that I think about it, it must be even scarier for him on the other side as he probably felt uncertain, and even helpless to ease my pain. (Anyway, this story will go a long way because whenever we talk about my labour story, Sadiq will sheepishly smile and deny that he did this at all. Men and their ego hmmmph.)

10pm: So yup, the craziness was due to end soon. Doctor was called in when I was ready to deliver and I pushed about 5 times before I could see our little bundle of joy. Indescribable moment, definitely because the next thing I saw right in front of me after pushing was MY baby at 10.27pm!

True what the rest of the mummies say, once you see your baby, all the pain just ..vanished! POOF. All I wanted to do was to keep reminding Sadiq to take photos of our baby, using my phone no less. My phone camera quality was so much better mah. Hehehehe.

***

I am basically in awe of my body’s strength after that arduous journey of contractions, pushing, etc. Makes you feel so empowered that you can actually do anything. Like a superwoman. Almost 10 months of carrying my 3.08 kilos baby and this little human being was finally out after 15 hours of labour. All praises to Him for granting me the strength, really. And for giving us such a handsome sweetheart. Oh, and not forgetting, for a husband who was there for and with me at every single step.

I have a beautiful family. 🙂

Love Math

When our little hero turned 6 months old last Monday, I took a while to reflect and found myself smiling to myself a lot. Major learning took place, no doubt and what was even sweeter was that the journey was filled with more meaningful discoveries about myself and my lovely husband. We were blessed with a baby right after we got married and while the idea of it was always adored by us, we always wondered about the “what ifs” that would inevitably occur once our life began as a family of three.

To be honest, my greatest concern had always been about as to whether my role as a wife would be compromised once my new life as a mother commenced. Thankfully, I am blessed with a partner who always puts his loved ones before himself and sure enough, he wasted no time in assuring me that things would be okay.

I always worried about whether my love would have to be divided with the arrival of our son. Little did I know that there is no such thing, but that love will always multiply within us. 🙂

Sayang my two handsome heroes in my life so much!

The Birth Story – Part 1

I have been wanting to pen down my birth experience since many months ago, but never got around to it. Procrastination is indeed a very naughty friend of mine. So I thought, let’s do it now! Better late than never.

Or in this case, better write it down now lest I forget all about it totally! Which I doubt will ever happen, because hey, who can ever forget their first every birth story (and urm, all the pain that came along with it), huh? :p

7 June 2013, Friday

Sadiq texted me at about 10 plus in the morning to ask whether I wanted homecooked food from his mother since I did not bring any lunch to work. I said yes, and he came close to noon. Told me to take care and if there was any discomfort felt, to immediately call him.

Picture

Little did I know that in the middle of lunch, I felt like peeing and imagine my surprise when I saw a tinge of blood on the toilet paper and…what I believe to be my mucus plug. I was practically hyperventilating by then in the toilet! I was trying my very best to keep my cool but in my head, I was already thinking, “OH MY GOD, IS TODAY THE DAY!?!?”

I went out of the toilet, pretending to look calm (inside a bit haywire already though) because my colleague was in the room too and since she did not suspect anything amiss, I reckon that I am a pretty good actress! Hahahaha. I did not want to alarm anyone in the office, I was not feeling any pain or discomfort at all either so I had an inkling that it was not time at all.

Did a little googling after my colleague left the room and was glad to know that exiting of the mucus plug was not a sure indication that labour would kickstart anytime soon. Phew. You can imagine that my heart was in suspense simply because it was close to prayers time and I was somehow afraid if I could not get Sadiq then. But phew. I called Sadiq, who was rather panicky and asked 1001 questions but I assured him that I would be fine and he just has to pray that baby will wait until he is done praying. Hehe.

I remember wanting to walk around more after work and we did just that before heading home. We were waiting for the ‘go ahead’ text from Kak Lis to collect the necessary items for baby such as baby cot and etc. We only managed to collect it around 10 plus at night and when heading out, I remember Ibu asking me if I wanted to stay at home instead and let Sadiq do it alone. But I said it was okay because I somehow did not want to be far away from him.

We collected the baby cot and a couple more things with Abang Nur’s help as well. Headed home after that and I still felt okay. No pain, no contractions. Just the usual bloated stomach feel. Baby was kicking as usual. In fact, I slept well that night. Hehe.

On hindsight, who would have thought that it was such perfect timing to collect the stuff that night. We actually wanted to postpone but decided against it since the lorry was readily available that day and I guess we just followed with our, ahem, parental (chey bah!) instincts.

Okay, I will stop here. Will continue with the other parts ..soon!