My Firstborn

So I’ve been penning thoughts ever since I learnt about a new love growing comfortably in my tummy. 🙂 Feels surreal to be going through this path again and for that, I’m always counting my blessings.

25 May 2015

These days it’s been quite a challenge to sleep, what with my growing tummy and my little man (whom I believe, dreams that he’s a pro wrestler on some nights) tossing every now and then. Before I got pregnant, it is normal for him to nurse on top of me and chooses my left or right boob. I am extra careful nowadays as he gets pretty fiesty when he realises he’s not anywhere near me, scrambles his way to my chest and makes an attempt to suffocate me with his 11kg (or more, I have not properly weighed him since December 2014) frame.

Dramatic much. It’s probably the hormones talking.

But really, some days I just grit my teeth through it all and carry his body to my side, pat or rub his back for a little while and there he enters Lalaland again. He sleeps, I sleep and we are all happy people again.

Yesterday night was a little different than usual though. In my state of half slumber, I realised he was kicking his leg harder than usual (normally he kicks off the blanket from his body – blanket and him: not bestfriends) so I gently tapped on his leg so that he will stop. He did not of course, and his left leg eventually landed on my poor tummy with an impact, so much so that I let out a huge OWW in the middle of the night.

In that state of grogginess, I raised my voice and repeatedly call out his name to tell him what he did was wrong. No prizes for guessing what happened next, he woke up and cried so loudly it was almost hysterical to the point that I felt like a wicked mum.

I have never felt so guilty in my life. For frightening my poor boy like that. He obviously did not do it on purpose and there I was, berating him like never before and interrupting his peaceful sleep, no less. Sigh. I teared a little too and hugged him so tight to calm him down. I must have said sorry a thousand times too in the midst of it all. Thankfully he went back to sleep after that.

He woke up later than usual in the morning (only after we got ready) without any whinings, like as though nothing happened just a few hours ago. First thing I did? Smothered him with kisses and half expected him to push my face away, because you know, my little man is no longer at that you-can-do-anything-to-me-and-I-will-not-budge stage. But nope, to my surprise, he simply lay still and I even caught a glimpse of his cute, cheeky smile.

It’s as if he knows…

I love you, my firstborn. Always and forever.