Happy Birthday, Me!

This morning just before my husband sent our firstborn to my in-laws’ place, he wished me a happy birthday.

He returned, got dressed for work and gave me a peck on my forehead like always. He wished me a happy birthday again with his right hand caressing my left cheek.

I was still in a groggy state of mind, half awake and half nursing my little precious. All I could afford was an mmhmm thank you.

The other day, he cheekily remarked that my birthday present would be delayed. He even chuckled that maybe he could get something from Carousell first. Tsk tsk so naughty.

Alhamdulillah I’ve got the most wonderful gift this year – the arrival of our 2nd hero and it’s beautiful how my prayers for a December baby was answered. Life since has been a happy riot so far and I know we will not want to have it another way.

There is really nothing more I would ask for. The past 28 years have sculpted me the way I am today and I believe I will always enjoy this journey ahead, with His consent. Happy birthday, me. 🙂

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New Year

“2011, you’re gonna be beautiful… because I’m gonna make you so!”

That was my Facebook status last year and I think I nailed it. Everything about 2011 was beyond wonderful. Everything.

The year I got one step closer to Forever with the love of my life, the year Kak Lis gave birth to a beautiful baby, the year I challenged myself doing part-time studies, the year I witnessed 5 of my lovely girlfriends tie the knot ..the list goes on and on.

I cannot be any happier leaving 2011 with a new status. 2012, you are going to be as equally filled with fond memories, if not more. I know it’s gonna be a pretty exciting year for me.

Insya’Allah, everything will be perfect to me in 2012. New beginnings await. 🙂

Beauty

I saw a girlfriend put up this quote in her Facebook and I couldn’t really get it out of my mind since.

“You are the company you keep. I choose to surround myself with beauty…”

It resonates so well with me because I think there is so much truth in it. I like the fact that there is an element of choice in that quote; everything you do is not a given, you are a master of your own fate, more often than you think.

It reminds me often that even when I’m alone, I am my ‘company’. My thoughts and feelings accompany my actions. If I don’t fill myself up with beauty from deep within, it’ll show.

I never want to be ugly, not so much in the physical form, because I have always believed that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but more so, in my character.

I’m a firm believer that when you’re beautiful inside, you’re beautiful outside as well, an issue that cannot be disputed…

Me, Myself And I

As the day draws nearer, I cannot help but reflect, reflect and reflect. I treasure my me-time moments more now, somehow or other, I begin to think about whether I am ready for this life-long commitment.

Perhaps the word shouldn’t be ‘ready’ but as to whether I am emotionally and spiritually, um, good enough to start the next chapter of my life?

Yes, this is where I second guess myself to no end at times.

Whether I’ve been a good daughter, sister, fiancee, friend and the list goes on. Basically, whether I am good as a person. I squirm to think that if I’m not good now, there is no way that I’ll be able to carry out my new responsibilities well in future.

All I can say is I’m trying, my very best. I’ve stumbled, tripped and fell along the way but at the end of the day, I try not to let my shortfalls drag me down further. It can get really hard at times but I persevere.

It’s the 15th today. 11 more months to go… 🙂

What Keeps Me Going

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Came across this image and I guess some do qualify in my list of life’s amazing moments. Anything to do with sleep, especially. Lately, it’s such a luxury that I hate to think it’d be an endangered activity soon, with night classes commencing on Monday.

I have warned Sadiq to be prepared for any sorts of school-induced grumblings or tantrums because I foresee them coming a lot more this time.

I’ll pull through ..right? Just can’t help thinking about this and that. One thing’s for sure, knowing that there’s a sweet man out there waiting and wanting to take me as his wife after this madness ends keeps me going.

Love keeps me going.

Two Sides Of A Coin

If there is one thing I am uncomfortable with, it is anger. I dislike being at the giving or receiving end of that emotion because I know how nasty the situation can lead to, if left unchecked.

Wrds and actions when said and done in anger are often irreversible. What’s left will only be feelings of remorse and foolishness.

Sadiq, despite his rilek jack 24/7 nature, has a temper. Hot enough to make me quiver when provoked. Fiery enough to make me think that he’s losing his mind at those times.

But I’ve also learnt that there’s more to it than just that irrational behavior. Hurt and pain are usually the root causes, yet these two feelings get clouded up and concealed in anger.

Yesterday, as he spoke about something, I felt his anger. I heard it through his words but what I listened to was a different thing altogether. I used to loathe his temper, so bad, that I thought he’d never outgrow it, but if it’s meant to stand up for the people he loves, to seek justice for the people he cares most about, then I don’t anymore. I think his flaw is beautiful.

Because I know I’ll be safe, having him as a husband to protect me from all worldly evils that I cannot possibly face alone.