My Firstborn

So I’ve been penning thoughts ever since I learnt about a new love growing comfortably in my tummy. 🙂 Feels surreal to be going through this path again and for that, I’m always counting my blessings.

25 May 2015

These days it’s been quite a challenge to sleep, what with my growing tummy and my little man (whom I believe, dreams that he’s a pro wrestler on some nights) tossing every now and then. Before I got pregnant, it is normal for him to nurse on top of me and chooses my left or right boob. I am extra careful nowadays as he gets pretty fiesty when he realises he’s not anywhere near me, scrambles his way to my chest and makes an attempt to suffocate me with his 11kg (or more, I have not properly weighed him since December 2014) frame.

Dramatic much. It’s probably the hormones talking.

But really, some days I just grit my teeth through it all and carry his body to my side, pat or rub his back for a little while and there he enters Lalaland again. He sleeps, I sleep and we are all happy people again.

Yesterday night was a little different than usual though. In my state of half slumber, I realised he was kicking his leg harder than usual (normally he kicks off the blanket from his body – blanket and him: not bestfriends) so I gently tapped on his leg so that he will stop. He did not of course, and his left leg eventually landed on my poor tummy with an impact, so much so that I let out a huge OWW in the middle of the night.

In that state of grogginess, I raised my voice and repeatedly call out his name to tell him what he did was wrong. No prizes for guessing what happened next, he woke up and cried so loudly it was almost hysterical to the point that I felt like a wicked mum.

I have never felt so guilty in my life. For frightening my poor boy like that. He obviously did not do it on purpose and there I was, berating him like never before and interrupting his peaceful sleep, no less. Sigh. I teared a little too and hugged him so tight to calm him down. I must have said sorry a thousand times too in the midst of it all. Thankfully he went back to sleep after that.

He woke up later than usual in the morning (only after we got ready) without any whinings, like as though nothing happened just a few hours ago. First thing I did? Smothered him with kisses and half expected him to push my face away, because you know, my little man is no longer at that you-can-do-anything-to-me-and-I-will-not-budge stage. But nope, to my surprise, he simply lay still and I even caught a glimpse of his cute, cheeky smile.

It’s as if he knows…

I love you, my firstborn. Always and forever.

Eid Is Coming

It’s almost nearing the end of Ramadhan. Today marks the 2nd last day of our fasting month and although it’s cliched to say the usual phrase “how time flies”, time sure is a bullet train. I’m definitely proud of myself for possessing such strength to continue fasting despite being in a ‘weak’ position – nursing a toddler and being pregnant – that looking back, I wonder where all that willpower came from. I did not fast for 3 days only. What an amazing achievement, really.

Truly, Allah swt does not burden a soul more than he can bear. Syukur alhamdulillah.

Anyway, it will be our little man’s 3rd Syawal with us. We have bought new clothes (in fact we purchased his essentials first, followed by daddy then me), spring cleaned our room to no end (reshuffled some of the furniture’s position and glad to say, we have more floor space now), changed to new sheets and curtains…

Can’t believe we completed it all last weekend and I must add that my husband is such a clean freak and I’m so thankful to be married to him. Opposites attract, you see, so at least I know he’s very reliable when it comes to our own house chores in the near future. :p

Looking forward to the celebrations but of course, sad that Ramadhan will be leaving us so soon. We can never know if we will get to experience this blessed month again. Taqabbal Allahu minna wa minkum. May Allah swt accept our good deeds from you and me.

Brothers For Life

Previously I used to chance upon articles that shared about one’s 2nd pregnancy and the jitters a potential mother of two would feel. Having to ‘divide’ the time, care and most importantly love between the two. I will search for the article again and regularly read it because I think it’s helpful. Eventually, the article summarizes how there is no such thing as division of love, instead multiplication ensues further with the arrival of a 2nd bundle of joy.

And I cannot agree more.

Sure, there are times where I think to myself whether I will be a fair mother. As if juggling a husband and a baby is not challenging enough, now there is another one who needs my love and attention. I’m a believer that love’s only purpose is to be spread around. I’m even excited to see how I will be like with another new addition.

In case the title above does not already give you a hint of what gender I am expecting right now… I am expecting a baby brother for my dear Eyshan! Just thinking about it makes me smile because I’ve always loved to see closeness between brothers and to actually be able to be responsible in inculcating such values in my children (insya’Allah) simply makes me even feel more blessed.

I know Abang E is gonna be an awesome brother. He showers kisses to my tummy with a loud “muaaaaah” and instantaneously goes, “hug?” coupled with a cheek-to-tummy experience right after the smooch. Aww. Feels like he is so grown up already.

My beautiful little family is growing. In numbers, in love and in happiness.