The one thing that I am most sad about when I leave Eyshan Shahin to go to work is the simple thought of having to miss his milestones, small or big. I realise that has got to be one of the hardest things to not witness. It’s like his first fart, his first poo, his first smile, his first laugh, his first babble, his first tantrum get the drift. I so wanna witness all of that.

But I know I cannot possibly be the first to witness it all the time. I really count myself lucky if I do, and so I keep hoping and praying that that little boy will wait for me and show off his new milestone when we are home.

Just today, Kak Lis showed me a picture of him holding his own bottle. He can apparently hold it very steadily now, even knows how to lift the bottle and finish gulping every single mililitre of his milk. And I thought to myself, “Hey I missed seeing it…” since I’m always latching him directly when we are together. Got a little melancholic about it (the little things always, <i>always</i> gets to me best, sigh) for a good five minutes before I finally shook myself out of it.

How I realised that I’m fortunate enough to have a sister who regularly updates me about his antics. I am even more blessed that my sister is kind enough to make me feel as though I am not so distant from my son after all.

So thankful for this. I may not have such luxury when he’s no longer being cared by her in the event she gets pregnant with no. 2, so positive vibes are definitely in and within. Almost a month since I started work and all I can say is that I have not missed out on many milestones just yet and I hope I’ll be granted more opportunities to witness my baby’s new antics, insya’Allah. 🙂


Moo Moo


Eyshan Shahin turns 4.5 months old today! Glad that I’ve been exclusively breastfeeding him throughout. Honestly had doubts as to whether I can safely maintain my supply once I started work; I’ve read about how supply will gradually dip and not having time to pump will eventually result into a lesser yield.

Told myself to breathe and take it easy. Not to beat myself up about it if I could not supply what was needed during the day. Reminded myself that I could always top up my stash at night and during weekends. Bottom line was I kept telling myself I could not afford to be lazy if I want to fulfill my target of nursing him.

Nobody ever said it was easy anyway. I am slowly learning the role of multitasking at work. Pumping begins when I reach work, once more during lunch and if possible one more session just before knocking off from work.

Insya’Allah, I’ll keep on nursing as long as I can. I have a target but only He knows best as to whether I can achieve it or not. For now, I’m more than happy to know that my dearest son is thriving on my milk. All thanks to You.

One Year Ago

16 October 2012 was the day Sadiq and I discovered about a mini-us in my tummy. Read my pregnancy diary and I must say, it brought back very sweet memories. I chuckled to myself, paused reading even at certain posts, simply because I wanted to immerse in that particular memory for a little longer.

Was supposed to get my menses a few days earlier (12-13 October) but days passed and my ‘down under’ was still clean! :O

So… Sadiq and I wasted no time in buying a pregnancy kit. Most of the shops were closed by that time (10 plus at night) so we stopped by a petrol kiosk. Hehe.

I was already asleep in the car on the way home but fatigue did not stop me from testing. Reached home, unwrapped the kit, said our prayers and I remember telling myself that “if it is meant to be, it will be…”

And I peed! For 5 seconds. Then had to wait somemore for 5 minutes…

And… TA-DAH! The results were staring back at us.

There had to be 2 vertical lines to indicate a positive result and we got, um, one and a half? The test line was pretty faint and we kept wondering whether I was really pregnant and stuff like that. The kit instructions specifically said that as long as there was a line, we could for sure say that it was positive. So… Positive it is! 😀 Alhamdulillah.

– Future mummy, insya’Allah 🙂

It’s been a year since that fateful night. I recall the days where I would look forward to the 9a.m. notification from my babycenter app every Wednesday because that was the day that our little hero turned a week older in my tummy.

I would silently squeal and imagine how he would look like swimming in me. I would printscreen every related information I came across on the web to increase my awareness. How I watched countless pregnancy videos just so that I would know his stage of progress week by week and would show it to Sadiq almost all the time till he made remarks like, “Nie kan you dah tengok kelmarin?” Hahaha I was pretty obsessed, I must say.

And then I recall about how Sadiq would use to give me very awesome back massages at night, sometimes even without me asking for them. Yes, he was that auto! Guess when you’re pregnant, you can just demand anything and everything and you would get it. :p

So Beautiful

Pretty much obsessed with my little guy ever since we welcomed him into our world. Really, my phone’s memory storage is at its bare limit considering that 99% of the photos in there are his. I have snapped pictures of him smirking, smiling, rolling his eyes ..basically his photos are more often than not, snapped one second apart from the other. Hehe.


Thank you Allah for choosing me to be his mummy. This precious loan from You will be treasured. Forever and always.